LOML | Love Of My Life (94)

𝐋𝐎𝐌𝐋 (𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆) ❣️:94
Nilikuwa nina hasira sana, nilifika mama babuu alikuwa bado hajafika nyumbani. Mimi nikaingia chumbani. Kichwa ina mambo mengi, uwepo usiwepo hata sitaki kujua kusema kweli.

Nilipofika sasa nilikaa natafakari siku ilivyo, niliwaza hili na hili, hata kuna wakati nikajikuta nacheka nilipokumbuka ile simulizi ya Pina kuhusu huyo dada aliyeroga mume wake amsikiye yeye tu.

Nikacheka nikisema “Pina!!, Pina!!, Pina such a charming and beutiful woman. Natakiwa kumpigia huyu msichana. I miss her already.”

Nikachukua simu yangu, kabla hata sijapiga nilikutana na ujumbe wa mke wangu kuvuruge “Bedmate Can I ask you something real? What we had was it real to you😞, or just a moment😭, a rebound😭, or excitement from the past?😭😭💔

from my side, something felt different… even special. Since breaking up with wanaume wengine, my mind and heart haven’t been okay.

I’ve tried to move on before, kwa maumivu makali💔😭, nakiri nimeishi maisha mabaya sana nyuma, sikuwa mwanamke mzuri lakini najitahidi kwaajili yako mpenzi, never made it past a month with anyone.

But with you, it was different from day one❣️, since the u married me najifunza kuwa mke mzuri, nina changamoto nyingi bedo💔💔, please nataka kuwa mwanamke mzuri teach me.

I’m struggling silently😞. Family sees me as a hero, but inside I’m breaking💔💔. I shut down when I’m low , it’s a flaw, I know. Maybe even trauma🙌🙌😭. Maybe even more than that. But I wanted to tell you honestly… you made me feel alive in a way I haven’t in a long time.

𝐋𝐎𝐌𝐋 (𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆) ❣️:95
If you disappeared because I seemed like too much, I understand. But please know, my mistakes wasn’t rejection nakupenda haki ya Mungu.

Nina ujinga mwingi lakini upendo wangu kwako ni wa kweli kutoka moyoni, sijui nini kinanitokea, niamini nateseka sana, nateseka sana mpenzi, naona aibu, hadithi yangu sio nzuri💔😭, bahati mbaya siwezi chana kurasa hizi.

It was pain I couldn’t explain💔💔😭😭😭. Lakini nipi hapa, mimi nipo hapa, naomba nafasi nyingine, naomba tuzungumze, naomba nikuelezee kila kitu kunihusu, shida zangu na mizigo yangu pengine utanisikia na utaniongoza kwa njia nzuri, wewe ni furaha yangu, wewe ni kitu nahitaji, wewe ni malaika wangu usiniache, nifundishe, niongoze nipo tayari kuwa mwanamke bora, uniache tu kama chombo cha starehe, mimi ni mke wako, wewe ni mume wangu. Nimekukosea nisamehe, NAKUPENDA SANA, NAKUPENDA MPENZI WANGU, nakupenda mume wangu, nihurumie nateseka haki ya Mungu😭😭😭💔💔💔💔”

Unamjua mke wangu na kizungu chake, ukikaa vibaya unamuonea huruma. Anafanya tu mambo kunivuruga mtoto wa watu. Niliposoma hapa nilimuhurumia nikaona labda kuna jambo ana pitia, lakini ni jambo gani hili ambalo linafanya awe namna hii, jambo gani linafanya awe wa wengi, hatosheki na ana maisha ya ajabu namna hii. Niliacha kwanza kumtafuta Pina.

Niliweka simu yangu pembeni, nilitazama juu tena nikiwa na maumivu na kusema “Mungu wangu, nakushukuru sana, nakushukuru kwa mengi sana.Najua maisha sio rahisi ingawaje ninaonekana kupata vyote, wewe peke yako ndiyo unajua namna umenisitiri, umenibeba na mengi, umenivusha na mengi, umenitengeneza na kunibariki na mengi sana.

Sijui sana kuhusu haya, kwanini na una mpango gani na mimi hata nipite kwenye barabara hii. Lakini ninaamini, kwakuwa nipo hapa, ninayo pumzi na afya njema basi wewe uliyeniumba mimi, upo upande wangu, una kazi na mimi, unanitengeneza Mungu, ninakuamini.

Uvumilivu wenye utulivu, unikumbushe siku zote kuwa wewe ni baba, baba mwenye mipango mizuri na mimi, baba mwenye kunipenda na kunijali, na kunitunza. Naamini upo na mimi, sijui unataka nifanye nini, ila nitavuka.” Nilishusha pumzi na kujilaza tena